Wednesday, July 02, 2003

News of the World

Houston is celebrating the announcement that it is no longer the most polluted city in Texas, after a 13% reduction in its pollution tonnage. Houston environmentalists have protested their hometown's comeuppance, arguing that organic pollution should be considered -- which would definitely put Houston back on top.

Gov. "Goodhair" Perry has added to the agenda for the special session of the Texas Legislature; he wants the power to hide the numbers the governor's office uses in arriving at the state budget.

And best of all, Bush's taunt to the Iraqi guerrillas killing American soldiers: "Bring It On." In an "impromptu" press conference, Bush literally dared the guerrillas to keep attacking, saying that "we've got the force necessary to deal with the security situation." (That thundering sound is Americans slapping their foreheads simultaneously.) Bush also stated that nothing would deter him from staying in Iraq as long as it takes. His comments were immediately praised by Lyndon Johnson.

 12:59 PM

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