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Friday, August 22, 2003

Friday Five
Five Commandments That Were Almost Included in the Big Ten
I started writing this before Gina sent the topic, so I decided to post it anyway.

1. Thou shalt not stop walking just because you're on an escalator. For the LORD thy God hath given thee relief, as when the LORD didst part the Red Sea that thou couldst pass. Yet, thou still hadst to walk across the parted sea, didn't thee? What, thinkest thou that the LORD hath nothing better to do than to carry thee? Cripes, it's not like thou couldn't useth the exercise.
2. Thou shalt not eat pork. Not one little bit. No bacon, no ham, no sweet and sour pork, even when eating at Chinese restaurants. Absolutely, positively no pork. Wait -- I don't mean "pork," I mean "hate." Thou shalt not hate.
3. Thou shalt not make movies in which the comic relief is an ape, nor a monkey, nor an ourang-outan, nor a baboon, nor a gorilla, nor Ben Affleck, nor any other thing that belongeth in the jungle.
4. Thou shalt not text-message, neither shall you blog.
5. Thou shalt stop being so formal. Call me Herb.

As for the official Friday Five, I honestly do not know of any song from the 80s that is "underappreciated." It all gets about the praise that it deserves. But, then again, I despise the music of the '80s and am deeply ashamed of my high-school complicity in it.

 4:28 PM

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