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Friday, October 03, 2003

A few notes, three weeks later

I have been adrift in endless hours of work over the past three weeks as I get sucked into a very complex project at work. And when you're working fourteen and sixteen hour days, and when you're desperate to cling to whatever free time you can get with your family, blogging doesn't seem like the best way to spend your time.

Thus the absence.

It's funny, because I've been thinking about things. But I can't write about it here, because it needs to remain confidential for quite a while. (I have managed to find blogs from other attorneys at my firm through name connections and so on. I have never used my own name on this blog, but others have linked to it with my name.) Thus, "himself" will need to maintain radio silence on this particular issue. It's probably a bad idea to even mention it -- I think John LeCarre said "half the secret is knowing that it exists" -- but I've been getting e-mails from concerned friends and thought I should finally post something.

Those of you that have received a mix disc from me will find more information about those thoughts in the accompanying letter. Ironically, these thoughts will make my work load much worse for a while, but it will be worth every second.

The kid's getting bigger and stronger every day, though he has a persistent cough. I recall that the people of the 18th and 19th century thought that sickness came from bad air (e.g. "mal aria"), and I have to wonder if Houston hasn't come full circle and imbued all of those old alchemical theories with a certain truth. We work for a living here, and we don't complain about the conditions. Yes, boss. Right away, boss.

Finally, a story. This is a fictional story. Completely fictional. About someone else.

This guy I know, he was working late one afternoon when the managing partner came by his office. The partner stuck his head in the door and, completely in keeping with reputation as a flatterer, complimented my friend on having kept a trim figure. You see, when my friend first came to the firm one year ago, he had lost a great deal of weight and was exercising daily, and was happy, and this partner remembered that fact. That's all the partner remembered.

And my friend said, "Pull your head out of your ass for one moment and actually look at me! I have gained fifty pounds in one year -- everything I worked so hard to lose -- all because I spend my days sick to my stomach from stress and worry and anxiety, and because I drown that stomach acid with Twix bars and Starbucks pastries and thousand-calorie food delivered right to the office from the Chinese restaurant across the street, and I don't exercise anymore because I don't have time for it, especially if I want to see my kid, and my colleagues joke about which one of us will be the first to 'get their heart attack' -- even the women, except for the one that talked about how she was hoping the Rapture would come soon -- and all of us either gain or lose drastic amounts of weight and if any of you actually cared about us, you would see these symptoms and realize that you were sucking us dry and leaving us as hollow, hour-billing shells useless for anything but worrying and fighting, and would understand why the frickin' attrition rate is so high, and if it's true what I've heard -- that it's a lot better here than at other firms of a comparable size -- then Houston has been taken over by the Living Dead."

Well, he said that in his mind. What he actually said was "No, no" and then smiled.

And, you know, I'm glad that story was just fiction, and was about this friend of mine and not me. But I'm glad that my friend has been thinking a lot.

Anyway, did I mention that I'm on a diet, and I'm exercising again?


 9:07 AM

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