Saturday, March 27, 2004

On days like today

On days like today, I think it pays to take some time and list some things that you are truly grateful for.

1. The earth has not been struck by a deadly meteor. At least, not since humans came down from the trees. And all Hollywood movies aside, it remains unlikely to happen in the next couple of years, so that's a big relief right there.

2. I live in a country where the necessities of life are easily obtained. In fact, the necessities of life are peddled at low, low prices by a friendly corporate conglomerate whose most recent commercial features a smiley face as James Bond, determined to protect America by rolling back high prices.

3. Should I ever have erectile dysfunction, there are competing products to take care of that problem. There is a downside, however -- I have to watch commercials for these products, and endure their boilerplate warnings about consulting a doctor if the erection does not subside in a matter of hours. But these commercials are unintentionally hilarious, which is something else to be grateful for. So on balance, it's all a good thing.

4. eBay: a sort of garage sale on demand; a swap meet on a scale that our mercantile forefathers could never have imagined. I got it in my head that I wanted a copy of a Sgt. Barry Sadler single, and I was able to effortlessly satisfy that thoroughly ridiculous desire, without the sort of delay that would cause me to rethink why I wanted to spend good money on a Sgt. Barry Sadler single.

5. Leprosy is not really a factor in everyday life anymore, except as a cliche. So we've got that going for us.

6. After twenty years of trying, Microsoft finally released an operating system that doesn't crash every time you try to do two things at once. You can now use two Microsoft programs at once without seeing the Blue Screen of Death. So, they're still an evil empire bent on monopolizing the world, but at least their monopolistic product is better than it used to be.

7. It is highly unlikely that gravity will suddenly come to an end, but when it does, good strong rope is readily available. See #2.

8. I have a healthy son, with a good healthy set of lungs that allow him to make his distemper known.

 12:00 PM

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